York RI: Welcomed from my gender to my bad jokes

To introduce our new website, we are running a series of blog posts from our players exploring what being part of York RI means to them. This week new player and fullback Pip talks about coming out as trans, finding themselves excluded from the sport they love, and how a chance encounter with York RI helped them reclaim their place on the pitch…

I started playing rugby by accident. My first week of uni I turned up to a bunch of trial sessions for various sports. Rugby was the only one that fitted around my then focus on music.

I soon changed my tune; rugby went from something that fitted around my schedule to something that I loved. I had always been fast and I enjoyed full-contact sports (boxing previously), so the game fitted me perfectly. I ran fast, I hit hard and I even loved the training.

My problem was fitting in with the people. I have always been quieter and find it difficult to fit in with large groups. Especially ones whose entire culture seemed to centre on drinking and clubbing-two activities that easily overwhelm me even on the best of days.

I found it difficult to talk to them, but felt included, if only for their recognition of my ability on the pitch.

That changed when I came out as trans.

I am non-binary and use any pronoun other than she - they and he are the most usual. Coming out caused a multitude of problems in my life - it caused breaking points in my relationship with my family, and my friends took a moment to understand - but I have never regretted my decision to live my life in the way I have chosen. To be out and to be vocally proud about it.

My coming out was not received well by my team. To be repeatedly misgendered, called “girl”, “lady” and “she” even over my protests was degrading enough. But the fact that I was made to feel uncomfortable in changing rooms and amongst my teammates wore me down over that season. I felt ignored and diminished; rugby became a terrifying prospect where I was increasingly getting panicked about going to training.

That season ended abruptly with Covid, after which I moved to York. I spent a year at university without playing. I had been honestly scared and put off by the transphobia I experienced with my previous team.

I probably wouldn’t have played again, had I not gone to Pride this year. Yelling out from the front of the rugby stall, I met a tall, slightly terrifying rugby player called Cat. Gently bullied into playing a coconut shy, melting under the sun, I had my first open chat about my gender and love of rugby with someone who was kind and friendly and listened to my worries.

Cat convinced me to give rugby a try again. I haven’t been with York RI for very long yet, we’re only a few weeks through preseason, but the team has been amazing. Every single person there tries to get my pronouns correct, and apologises when they slip up. They actively discussed what more they could do to help myself and other trans players at the recent AGM. I have felt welcomed and accepted for everything; from my gender to my bad jokes to my horribly rusty rugby playing.

As I said: I haven’t played long with York RI. But for the first time in some time, I cannot wait each week to cycle over to the pitches, pull my boots on and play rugby with people who are becoming my friends.