York RI: Included, encouraged and supported
To introduce our new website, we are running a series of blog posts from our players exploring what being part of York RI Women’s Rugby means to them. New player and forward Bec reflects on finding an inclusive, supportive team where she can be herself.
York RI is the dream rugby club I wish I’d had all my life. I loved rugby as a kid. I was the only girl in my team and most of the teams we played too. I was tall and strong and better than most of the boys. Then I was too old to play in the boys’ team and there were no girls’ teams around.
My strengths on the rugby pitch became a source of bullying on the school playground and in the PE changing rooms. I was ostracised by my class and called a man. I hadn’t even thought about my sexuality or what being a “tomboy” meant for my gender expression but the other kids at school in their cruel way were only too happy to point out how I was different. Many years of crippling social anxiety and self doubt followed.
I came out as lesbian a few years later and am still growing into my butch genderqueer identity a few decades on.
During all this time I still loved rugby, played a season as a student and watched mostly the men’s games on TV as that was all that was available to watch. But I could always think of many excuses not to get back to playing. I was never fit enough or good enough, and that fear of being ostracised in the changing rooms always won out. Watching the World Cup in autumn 2022 reminded me how much I love the game. I decided it was now or never to get back to playing as at 47 I could also add too old to the list of excuses.
I found a club near to where I live and went along. Some players were really friendly and encouraging but most were very competitive. I kept going but didn’t feel at home. Maybe rugby wasn’t for me after all.
Then I saw a post for York RI’s Intro to Rugby session. I’d been impressed by their social media posts about inclusivity, gender and sexuality but the club is quite a bit further from where I live. The intro session drew me in and I went along thinking what had I got to lose. Instantly it was such a different atmosphere to the previous club.
People introduced themselves and included me in conversations. This may not seem like much but it really calmed my socially anxious nerves. The session was great fun and got me hooked again. Everyone is so encouraging and supportive. They make no assumptions about your experience or knowledge and explain all the training drills and give advice about the game. They still want to win but are not competitive with each other. Yes, I’m old and unfit but I’m still tall and strong and York RI make sure there’s a place for me on the pitch.
